Who Do I Say I Am?

Johnny Cash used to sing a song about a Boy Named Sue. The rough idea of the song was the country and western stereotype daddy who wanted his boy to grow up being tough so he named him “Sue.”He hoped that everyone his boy met through his life would add their part to making him a tough guy who needed to prove it. Read the rest of this entry

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The Secret Life of David Petraeus

It was a harmless dalliance far from home. Who would know? Who would care?  A man has needs and you can hardly blame him for meeting them.

 

He was a prize, something no one else could get. Knowing him brought recognition and respect, securing his attention was a good thing so you can hardly blame a girl for using her natural endowments to get ahead in life. Read the rest of this entry

10 Faith Insights from the Election

If I’d never paid attention to anything in the bible I wonder what my faith would be like?  When kids are little, they learn how to live by watching the big people. That’s how they learn things like trust, fear and distrust, and when to make a fuss about being hurt. What the big people do inspires the little people to imitate until it becomes part of their automatic response to life. This election has given me new insights! Read the rest of this entry

I’m So Tired, Please Help.

Waikaremoana is a beautiful lake nestled in hills and surrounded by dense forests. It’s hard to find and few folks take the time to escape the rat race to go there while the tortuous road to the lake takes its toll by assaulting  those foolhardy enough to accept its challenge.  Read the rest of this entry

How to Generate Real Political Change

It’s over now, thankfully! Another tiring debate with a certain candidate saying whatever he thinks folks want to hear. He has no coherent policies. But do we? Are we really any better or are we being threatened with a candidate we deserve? Here’s a post from, of all places, Nigeria, that make a huge amount of sense. If we read it substituting US for Nigeria, it works for us too. Try it for yourself, see if you agree.

akandesegun

Loving people unconditionally is something I’ve always struggled with. Some people are just so difficult to love!!
But they are!!! Lol… Yes yes yes – including myself!

Shut it!!

Arrogance has often been a major challenge; so too have pride, anger, and a tendency to be easily irritated.
I’ll stop there. No need to add any more.

Yep, that’s me – a few hundred miles away from ‘far from perfect’.

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Help! My Kid’s a Pervert

James used to love hanging out with his older brother, Colin, although Colin usually resented having to put up with his kid brother going everywhere he went. Four years is a big age difference when you are thirteen and you kid brother is just nine. You have a lot more experience in the world and you know answers to questions that have never even entered his little mind. It feels good to be big. But the kid is a real nuisance hanging around all the time. One day, Colin struck on the ideal solution and he decided to teach James some new ways to play. Read the rest of this entry

How to Deal With Sexually Abused Kids

The reality is that sexual abuse (molestation as well as inappropriate sexual exploration) happens much more frequently than we care to admit or realize.  It’s an age-old problem but that doesn’t make it an easy one to solve.

Many kids survive without any help at all  – with impacts later in life – keeping their parents blissfully unaware of what has happened to them.

Parent’s tend to over-reaction, allowing their fears to drive them and yet they also feel awkward and under-qualified addressing sexual issues so they flounder when it comes to providing effective support. They are not alone, counselors  also find this difficult and in some cases do more harm than good. Obviously we can solve all this with a single blog post, right? Well maybe not in one post but at least some of the key considerations can be raised. Read the rest of this entry

How Jerry Sandusky’s Victims Inspire Me

They were molested by Sandusky at various ages and for a variety of times. We don’t have and don’t need a lot of details to understand that the experience was life-changing for these boys.

We don’t know that much about their families and other experiences in life but the impression is that mostly their families were less than ideal. They have baggage from that too.

Add the passing of time and the years of covering up and denying what they had experienced at the hands of Sandusky;  add the usual cocktail of self-blame, uncertainty in relationships, secrecy, experimentation, having other vulnerable kids around them . . . and it’s not hard to see that what Sandusky started took on a life of its own. The effects continued and grew. Read the rest of this entry

What Einstein Never Understood

 

In terms of intellectual abilities it is fair to say that few of us can match Albert Einstein.

 

He devoted his life and intellect to nutting out the theory behind everything and he did pretty well. His perfect world would be entirely predictable and expressed in mathematical formulae.

 

The problem with his compelling urge to explain everything is that we don’t have all the information and so not everything conforms to the plans and ideas we have in our heads. His commitment to the quest to explain the universe reveals that at some level he did in fact have faith in some power/ planner behind all that exists. A unifying theory suggests a deliberately created system and that leads to the question of, “Who is the creator?” Read the rest of this entry

Meeting Guys Who Aren’t Total Losers

Here’s a site that takes tough relationship issues head on. You may not agree with everything Dr T says and you may not like her solutions but you’ll have to admit she makes lot of sense. Too many marriages flounder along with heart wrenching conflicts hidden from general view (or so the participants hope) with neither party having the clues to escape the vicious cycles that are raging. It happens in Christian marriages just as much as in non-Christian marriages but the strong Christian taboo on divorce means many Christians suffer intolerably. Churches tend to take the view that the woman is always right and the guys need to be “men” loving their wives through every crisis. Dr T offers a balancing view – sometimes it isn’t right and won’t change (yet the guy isn’t an abusive neanderthal who is causing all the problems by his selfish attitude . . .)
Check out her site and see what you think – chances are you will gain valuable insights you can use.

Shrink4Men

There’s a new article on www.Shrink4Men.com that explores what “winning” means to abusive, high-conflict and/or personality disordered people. To an abusive BPD/NPD, “winning” is about taking from others, hurting and controlling them. Winning is not about working hard to achieve a goal. This explains why these individuals are rarely happy, even when they succeed in taking material assets, relationships and other tangible and intangible things from their victims.

Here’s the link:

Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning Mean to Abusive, High-Conflict and/or Personality Disordered Women?

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

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